THE MID-TWENTIES CRISIS
I often get flashbacks to my University days. Rather than revising and at least pretending to be studious, I spent the three years knocking back Sambuca shots at the bar, staying up till ridiculous o’clock every single night, eating cheesy chips more often than I’d like to admit and owning (and wearing) more fancy dress than anyone ever should.
Yet, here I am today; working a 9-5 (:30) job, living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, spending weekends perfecting my baking skills and somehow expected to understand the workings of an ISA. Oh and almost twenty-five. How the hell did that happen?!
There are several points in life that are universally acknowledged to be difficult: the terrible twos; the mid-life crisis, and a few others. But one that I never knew existed until it was thrust upon me is the mid-twenties 'what the f**k is happening' crisis. If the candles on your birthday cake aren’t enough of a sign, here are twenty-five signs that you’ll recognise if you too are in your ‘mid-twenties’. We can get through this together…
1. Almost everyone I know has a house, a husband and at least one child. Every other photo on my Facebook / Instagram / Twitter feed is filled with either photos of children or sonograms. Enough. Please.
2. There's no-one holding my hand anymore in terms of my career / job choices and there's also nobody to hide behind or to blame either. It's terrifying.
3. I’m always tired. I’m never not tired. It’s like a constant loop of wishing I was in bed!
4. Being hungover is suddenly infinitely more painful and the two-day hangover definitely exists. It calls for lots of sleep, water and countless paracetamol. Despite that, it somehow never seems to stops me from cracking open that second bottle of wine.
5. I've suddenly got pretty massive responsibilities and life choices to make. Like where I'd want to buy a house, what direction I want to take in my career, how blonde to go with my hair....
6. There are ridiculous expectations. I switch it up between either laughing or just nodding politely when my parents ask me if I have savings. If I refuse to speak up, they won't know either way.
7. I have high standards – I'd much rather stay in a plush hotel over a camp bed / tent. Camping is just not for me.
8. After years of battling with lack of self confidence and comparing myself to others, I'm finally getting there. I'm not tooooooo bad.
9. My friendship list has dwindled but I'm totally fine with that. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends and at the moment I don't have to pay for them to hang out with me (or much anyway) but the list is definitely shorter. The older I'm getting, the more I'm more than happy with just having a handful of genuine, caring and reliable friends.
10. Interiors shopping for the house I don't own yet is my favourite pastime. I could spend hours and hours walking around Ikea, Habitat or even better, Heals.
11. My metabolism is non existent. If I eat the cake, it will go straight to my hips / stomach / ass and stay there indefinitely.
12. I’m starting to sound and act more like my Mum with every day that goes by.
13. Naps are necessary. 5 mins, 20 mins, a good few hours... they're all heavenly.
14. Crop tops and hot pants just aren’t acceptable every-day wear, which is unfortunate because that's pretty much 99% of the items in my wardrobe. Perhaps a permanent holiday would solve all my problems?
15. I get super excited about food shopping. For some it may be a chore, but I absolutely love it and could spend hours aimlessly wandering through every aisle in Waitrose and rooting through the discount bins for a bargain. I do love a bargain.
16. I don't get the new 'slut' dancing in clubs. 'Slut dropping' was all the range when I was at University but now it's evolved into twerking and other kinds of madness which I definitely don't have the rhythm or flexibility to pull off. I'll leave that to the kids.
17. The idea of going out on Saturday night makes me feel a bit sick. Like, the image of standing around in heels, sloshing back vodka shots is enough to make me vomit. I just want my flannel PJs and a mug of hot chocolate.
18. I know how to pronounce words like quinoa and kale and they're firm staples in my diet. Long gone are the days of pasta in the pan and ordering Dominos every other day.
19. This is a hard one to admit but I have found more than one grey hair. I'm still mourning that fact and now have tweezers on me at all times just in case... *sobs*
20. I actually feel the cold. Take me back 5 years ago where I'd go out for the day in a t-shirt without a coat. WITHOUT A COAT?! Just the thought makes me shudder. I'm not brilliant at it now but I definitely appreciate and try to implement layering. Layers are the way forward.
21. I read the news and actually care and have an opinion on world politics.
22. Tesco Value vodka has been replaced with Bombay Saphire or *enter your favourite top-end spirit*
23. Coffee is not only a pleasure, it’s a necessity. I've always liked coffee but have never craved it like I do now. Every day en route to work I get the daily urge to stop off at Pret A Manger to fuel my desire. It's the only proven method to cure the morning crankiness...
24. I love a practical gift. I got genuinely excited this Christmas when I received an electric toothbrush.
25. I like and enjoy spending time with my family. I remember the days when I used to think my Mum was the most embarrassing woman on earth - sorry Mum - but I can safely say she's now cemented herself as one of my best friends.
Can you relate to the above?! If so, you're part of the gang!
Massive thanks to Somee Cards for the hilarious images. I could (and do) spend hours trawling through their site chuckling away to myself...